The Pokémon GBA Cartridge

I’m bored. I live in a cheap, dirty apartment with no electricity because I’m a poor, useless, waste-of-air college student who wipes his behind with McDonald’s napkins, so how can I buy a video game console to keep me busy with literally a quarter and a few nickels in my wallet? Goodwill, obviously! I walked to Goodwill because I am a cheap piece of dumpster fire crap who lives off of less than fifty cents and obviously cannot afford a car or a bike. I walked into Goodwill and found a Gameboy Advance with Pokémon Fire Red inserted into the cartridge slot that cost thirty-five cents. I bought the thing and took it to my apartment, stopping to pick up a half-eaten decaying ham sandwich from a dumpster nearby. I got home and put some old batteries I found on the ground into the Gameboy Advance and played it. I played for however long the old, corroded batteries would last. I got to a part where I was fighting a wild Squirtle with my Charizard. Then, the Gameboy Advance began to shake and I dropped it. The Charizard and Squirtle came out of the Gameboy Advance, I kid you not, they freakin’ popped out of the console. The Charizard burned the Squirtle to a charred skeleton. I’ll bury it, but I’m too freakin’ cheap to afford even the twigs on the ground, much less a garden shovel. After the Charizard killed the Squirtle, he jumped up into bed beside me and began to talk to me. “You know, when I first saw you in person exactly 6.816234 seconds ago…” -the Charizard began to blush and scoot closer to me- “You were the most handsome thing I ever saw.”

The Charizard licked his lips, which were almost touching mine. I began to blush too. “So, do you want to… go with me down to Taco Bell and get some tacos? I have a coupon!” The Charizard showed me the coupon, which had magically appeared in his hand. I nodded, and went walked down the street, break-dancing like we were playing Just Dance. We got tacos, which were better than the moldy sandwiches I usually had and flat Pepsi. They were the best tacos I had in a long time.