The-Knock-Story

As a kid, we all had that one really bad relative. Whether he/she came drunk to the family reunion and went 1-1 punch-the-fuck-out of grandma (and getting their ass kicked :1) or gave us that one experience that resulted in mom or dad not letting us see them anymore. Anyway, if you were lucky enough to not have these experiences, or if you do I don't give a shit, we all agree, they buy us the cheapest presents that they probably saw for 10 bucks at their drugstore.

17th Birthday Surprise
My mom's brother's family is really fucked up. His wife is a, "bootylicious whore" in which 3 of my friends, "parked" with her, and my uncle is a bum so they can't afford much.

So for my 17th birthday I didn't expect a big box, and it was a HUGE box. I usually get a card with a monkey playing with his penis or something and a couple of pennies (or maybe a quarter, but only if daddy spent 5 minutes in heaven with my aunt while mom went out to get my cake). So I opened up this box expecting just to be an empty box with a drawn fuck you writing in red crayon (hopefully with the crayon in it) but it was a video game console! Now I am not the biggest nerd when it comes to video games, but I never heard of the, "Shitbox 4" - Instead of going into a tempor tamptrom Fuck-you-rage-mode-in-your-face-spidermonkey-mountain dew-hype, I said thanks with a sorta regret for even coming out of my mom's uteras....or vagina...wtf lol.

Shitbox 4 review... I guess
After the party, I decided to go to my room and test this mofo out. I opened the card-board box and found the console was not even secure. Cheap asian bastards, that is why they lost the spainish-american war to Chuck Norris riding a Charizard. Anyway their was a white peace of paper, which said that, "You sir (no woman would play video games) look like a gentlemen that could very well enjoy this console, it plays all of your favorite console games." I was surprised but very curious. So I put in my new Call of Dry, overused addition I got from my dad's brother (he is also a bum, so he fingered my mom on the way to the store to get my cake for money to get the game.) and it had its, "Infinity Virgin" developer logo, the ones that made the game. So the console was not wrong, must have been the Australian Asians. The game's title screen pops up and so I press start on a banana controller (surprisingly more comfy then N64's controller) and went to fuck up a 4-5 year olds day online when, all of a sudden, a Mario head popped up going, "I wouldn't do that if I was you muthafucka" (his shitty italian high-pitched voice that is SOOO racist, that is one of two things I hate, Racist stereotyping and asians....). I couldn't go back because the B button wouldn't go back, it just made Mario cuss me out even worse. One press, "I wouldn't do that again dipshit" I pressed it again, "You dumb mutha' Fucka!! I double dare you again" I flipped off Mario (or my tv screen) and gave one more time at pressing the b button. This next part gets messy. Mario goes, "ZULE MUTHA FUCKA!!!!" and he opened his mouth and a cursor was on screen and clicked inside his mouth, puking all over me and my room. Bottom line; Still better than X-box One...