User blog:Kumandayas/Scary or Stupid? Creepypasta Cliches I Am Sick Of

Introduction
I used to be scared by Creepypastas. In fact, I couldn't sleep, for the paranoia that a character in one of those could kill me while I sleep. But then I looked back. How was I scared of these characters? They're bland, boring, and uncreative. I also read the same bullshit every single time. Oh no, there's a serial killer/monster/ghost/Eldritch abomination/puppy chasing this guy that we don't really give a shit about because his character is about as established as what happened up 'til a victim's death in one of these stories. Perhaps you can come with me and mock them too.

This is how they'll be established: Name of cliche: Obviously, the name of the cliche I have come up with or others have come up with. Description of cliche: What the cliche is, perhaps using an example in the process. How you may mock them: A suggested way of how this can be parodied in a Funnypasta.

Clichès
With that all done, why don't we take a trip down Repetitive Road, which intersects with Stupid Street? Let's get started with...

AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT
This is obviously a reference to the infamous trollpasta, but this is when a jump scare happens, despite no rhyme or reason to appear. Horror can be achieved with a jump scare, but it should probably be unexpected, and it should also not be repeated. Horror works best with atmosphere, suspense, and surprise. Surprise wears off when it's found all the fucking time.

How can we mock it? "Jason became even more bored when every door he unlocked had the same surprise: a dead corpse growling and then collapsing to the floor and vanishing."

Well, I Remember Crying Throughout My Childhood Because Of This. Why Not Give It Another Shot?
Well, you remember being fucking crippled through childhood. Is that enough? Rap Rat has an especially stupid use of this. Trying to dig up nostalgia can be a good, if overused card for this creepypasta's plot. But if you remember being SCARRED by the game/video/bullshit, why would you want the image to be further crippled in your mind?

How we can mock it: "Cameron remembered and old video tape that gave him diarrhoea-endusing nightmares. Perhaps he should throw that fucker out and watch Monty Python or something. But, because he was an idiot, he watched as his pants became brown."

Garage Sales Shouldn't Have Haunted Things
Bloody hell, I see this everywhere. BEN started it, but now every fucking game pasta decides to copy this method off. You know, because people always give away crap that disturbs them instead of destroying the damn cartridge/disc/cover and keeping humanity safe. Take a shot if the seller disappears or leaves when you go back.

How can we mock it? "Now, I remember the old man asking me whether I wanted a rare china plate or a haunted game cartridge. Why he had a haunted game cartridge in the first place, I will never know."

Who was phone?
Yeah, plot twists can be used to good appeal, and can be original. One of my favourite films, The Usual Suspects, has a good use of the "censored for people who haven't seen The Usual Suspects" ending, because you never really expected Verbal Kint to be twist has been removed to protect anyone who hasn't seen the original film. But Hollywood never understands subtlety nowadays. And neither do most Creepypasta writers. Let me guess, the person stuck in the abandoned asylum was once a mental patient in it? Is the narrator dead? Or the villain? Or under the villain's control? Or transformed into a monster?

Look, if you can make a nice original twist, it can work. But when you're twist is so unoriginal and obvious it might as well be holding a megaphone and shouting into your ear, try harder.

How can we mock it? "Have you ever felt like you have been to someplace before, despite you not remembe-fuck it, I'm dead and controlled by the villain. Could it not be any more obvious?"

Third Party  Murderers Who Will Ruin The Episode With Gore Animation Studios
I watch a show called "Mr. Show With Bob And David." Basically, comedians Bob Odenkirk and David Cross do a Python-esque sketch show mocking infomercials, films and commericals, and it's quite funny. They had a sketch where Bob and David played Charles McHutchence and Harrison Greeley III, "two men battling for our favour." In one of their political ad attacks, Harrison puts a fisheye effect on Charles after he "lies." Heck, I made a political ad out of that screenshot.

OK, where I'm heading with this is basically Lost Episodes creepypasta have people who do decide to sabotage the episode by adding gore and "hyper-realistic" eyes. So, technically, they want to ruin the show by Squidward Suicide-ing it. Like the sketch, they're ruining the image of the show, but instead of doing a hilarious fisheye on one of the characters, they're doing overused gore that both Family Guy and South Park would be calling offensive and gory. It's hard not to see a Lost Episode creepypasta that doesn't do this. ...Except perhaps Doug's Normal Life, but I'm not too sure.

How can we mock it? "I saw Nemo tearing the head of the dentist. Was that supposed to be scaring me, or making me neutral? I mean, I've seen blood in movies too many times, so I wasn't squealing my arse off like a little girl afraid of clowns going to the fucking circus. What was this movie trying to make me do?"

As Interesting As Drying Paint Covered In Growing Grass
Most creepypasta puts so much effort into the monster it forgets about it's pray; the narrator. What do we know about him? Does he have a wife? Kids? Pets? Friends? For all we know, they could be wooden planks that learnt how to write and live an everyday life. Creepypasta is a short story. A spooky one, but a short story nonetheless. And stories usually work when we can sympathise and understand the character via character development. But nope, need to keep on feeding the OC with exposition and backstory that the other protagonist rightfully fucking deserves.